Couple Discussions About Their Relationship With Your Family

Your partner has a bad relationship with your family and prefers to have them away. It is an uncomfortable situation for everyone and, at times, painful.  However, it is more common than you might think.

Disagreements between the couple and your family inevitably cause arguments that wear down the relationship. If you do not want to lose everything they have achieved so far, you will have to take certain measures.

Sometimes relationships move toward a breaking point of no return. The goal is to detect when this can occur and, of course, how to avoid it.

Bad relationship with your family

First of all, we will try to identify some common situations that can bother your partner, even when you do not notice it. Please pay attention to the following cases.

1. A surprise for you, a few misplaced for your partner

Your parents come to spend a few days in your home without any kind of notice or consultation. Your joy is interrupted by some negative comment from your partner about the actions of the in-laws.

A new couple argument occurs and they have different views about what is happening. For your partner, that they appear without speaking before is a lack of respect for the partner. Perhaps they already had plans that now they will not be able to fulfill, or it simply feels invaded.

On the contrary, for you it is a pleasant surprise from your family, whom you would like to see all the time, like when you were single. But would you be so happy if the ones who suddenly arrive are your in-laws?

2. Advice for you, meddling for him

They are decorating their first home together, your family brings the ideas and shows up at the store when they decide to buy the sofa. In fact, they even have the ideal wall colors in mind for when the children arrive.

For you, your parents’ interest in the things of the couple may seem like advice. However, your partner changes his mood and cannot stand such intrusion.

The relationship with your family is more deteriorated, it is likely that you no longer want to hide your anger in front of anyone. Again, you should analyze if it corresponds that they are there making decisions that do not correspond to them.

3. Grandparents who disavow

One of the main causes of a bad relationship with your family on the part of your partner occurs in the education of children. Some grandparents tend to take credit from the word of the parents in front of their grandchildren.

Perhaps they interpret that attitude as a manifestation of the protective love of the grandparents, but they are interfering in the limits. This means that your partner does not want to share another moment with the family.

In extreme cases, some even prevent the children’s contact with the rest of the family ties. Therefore, you have to know how to set the limits for each role in advance.

What to do not to argue with the couple about their relationship with your family?

Now that we know some of the most common reasons for anger, we can move on to solving the problems. We propose some alternatives that can help you.

1. Each in its place

You may still find it difficult to detach from certain ties with your family of origin, but you have already chosen a new home. So, you have to give each person the place they truly occupy in your life.

Decisions involving this relationship should be made only by the two of you. It does not mean that you cannot ask for an extra opinion, but it is not the final one.

2. Put limits on the family

It would be to explain – assertively – to your family of origin that you already have your own life and they should respect it. You still have the same affection for them, but there is someone else with whom you share the present.

Ultimately, it is about being seen as an adult, with their own time and space. The path you are going to follow is the one you take with your partner, and it may or may not coincide with the one the family dreamed of.

3. Imagine the contrast

If you can’t understand the couple’s reactions to your family, just imagine them the other way around. Would you be happy if your plans were invaded by your in-laws or brothers-in-law?

Should you choose between your family of origin or your partner?

If the problems do not stop increasing and the bad relationship between your family and your partner worsens, there is no need to go to the extreme of choosing between one and the other. It is important not to let impulse win and fight.

You have to dialogue with your partner about what the presence of your family means in their lives. Both can coexist without invasions or mistreatment. Communication is such an effective method of problem solving that there has even been research on the results of this type of therapy for decades.

Establishing agreements with each other is the best way to have a pleasant future. Beyond the family differences of each one, both of you are together facing this problem.

Finally, there is nothing that is impossible to address with honest dialogue and good words. The conflict arises precisely when these methods fail.